Last week I moved my 3-year-old son, Carter, into a big kid bed. It is a HUGE transition for a child (and us as parents), but it is one that we all have to make at some point. But, it isn’t a simple transition! There is so much though that needs to go into it.
Here, I’ll share my knowledge and advice to help make this transition as smooth as ours.
When should I make the transition?
Before you make the move to a big kid bed, it’s important to consider why you are doing it. If you’re struggling with your little ones sleep… moving out of the cot is NOT the answer! Little ones who aren’t sleeping well, unfortunately, won’t magically start sleeping better when moved into a big bed and are much more likely to get out of their bed. We always recommend making this transition when your child is already sleeping well. If your child already sleeps independently, they are much less likely to get out of bed at night and this makes the transition a million times easier!
So when do you move your independent sleeper to a big bed? We still recommend waiting until your child is at least 3 years old. This is because children don’t develop impulse control until around this age and hence they really struggle with not having the physical boundary that a cot has. Children who transition earlier are much more likely to develop the habit of getting out of bed.
If you feel like three is too old, just remember that as a sleep consultant, we talk to a lot of parents and I have never had a parent say that they wished they had made this transition earlier… but I have heard a lot say that they wished they had waited… or that they ended up reintroducing the cot!
Is your child climbing out of the cot?
Many parents will want to make the move to a big bed as soon as their little one starts to climb out of the cot and although this is an important aspect in terms of safety, it doesn’t always mean that you need to make this transition. Unless your child is close to 3 years old, I suggest trying to prevent the climbing before saying goodbye to the cot.
Here are four tips to help prevent climbing.
Introduce a sleepsack! These are fantastic at preventing your little one from being able to lift their leg up and over. If your little one already uses a sleepsack but can get out of it, we suggest putting it on backwards and inside-out.
Ensure that your cot is at the lowest level. Some cots will allow you to remove the base and place the slat of the base directly on the floor. However, if you choose to do this, ensure that there are no gaps around the mattress.
Remove anything which can aid your little one in climbing out. This includes anything outside of the cot like chairs or draws, as well as anything inside such as bumpers and pillows.
Take a look at why your little one is climbing out. Often there is a reason such as your little one being awake for long periods in the cot, hence a routine change is needed. Or, perhaps they are struggling with separation anxiety. Identifying the cause can sometimes mean that a small change can be made and your little one will stop climbing out.
If you have tried all of these and your child is still climbing out of the cot, you will need to make the transition to a big bed. It’s really important to ensure that their whole bedroom becomes a safe sleep environment (furniture bolted back, a baby gate to prevent them wandering, small toys removed, etc).
Help! My new baby needs the cot!
This is one of the most common reasons for people moving their child to a big bed too early. Unfortunately, unless your child is close to three years old, we recommend that you buy a second cot. This might seem like a pain, but the sleep struggles that can come with the early transition to a bed are not worth it, especially with a new baby!
So your child is ready for a big bed?
Here are some things that can make the transition as easy as possible.
Preparation and communication are key! Talk about the move to big long before it happens. Let them know what to expect and ensure that you acknowledge their feeling if they are feeling a bot worried about the change.
Involve them. Can they go with you to choose a bed? Take them to choose their new bedding and pillows! These things help to get your little one onboard and excited for this big change.
This is such a huge transition, so it is important to make sure that everything else stays the SAME!!! Keep the same sleep schedule, wind-down routine, and the way that you settle them at bedtime.
Make expectations and boundaries clear. Let them know that they will need to stay in bed, and if they get out of bed you’ll be there to pop them back into bed. See the next section for what to expect and how to handle it. I can’t stress enough how important it is to hold your boundaries. You are in charge of bedtime and the more consistent you are, the easier it is for your little one.
An ‘Okay to wake’ clock can be fantastic at helping them to know when it’s okay to get out of bed, and when it’s time to close their eyes. Rewards are a great way to help reinforce expectations and the ‘okay to wake’ clock.
Moving to a big bed is a big change and so something that is easily overlooked is safety. Take time to survey their room and think about safety. Can they pull furniture on top of themselves? Do power sockets need safety plugs? Do chords need to be fixed? Do the windows need latches? How will you prevent your child from wandering around the house when you are asleep?
Be prepared for some pushback. This is a big change for everyone so expect the first night or few to be hard work. Although we want to hold to our boundaries and way of settling, introducing some extra one-on-one time during the wind-down may be needed to help fill your little ones' cup and help them feel secure during this time of change.
What to Expect and How to Handle it...
After you make the transition, you’ll encounter one of three scenarios.
The transition goes well and you hit very few bumps. This generally only happens when you have made the transition at an appropriate age and your little one is already sleeping independently.
The transition initially goes well but things start to fall apart after the first few weeks and Bubs is continually getting out of bed. We often see this happen when children are moved into a big bed too early. (Put them back into the cot!)
The last option is that things don’t go well right from the start.
If things aren’t going well, the best thing that you can do is to have a solid plan for how you’ll handle it.
If your child getting out of bed is the issue, then I suggest returning them to bed with as little fuss as possible. You don’t need to tell them off or remind them of the rules, just walk them back to bed and tuck them in. Being consistent with this response is often enough to get them to stay in their bed.
However, if your child requires your presence to get to sleep, this strategy won’t be appropriate. Instead, you’ll need to gradually reduce the amount of support you give your little one at bedtime to encourage them to settle independently. When they wake overnight, you’ll also have to work on reducing the amount of support they need to resettle.
Important - It is completely normal for our little ones to push boundaries so you need to be prepared for this, as unphased as possible when it happens, and respond as consistently as you can. Children cope better when boundaries are clear and how you respond to those boundaries being pushed is always the same.
Acknowledging their feelings while holding your boundaries will make this transition much easier!
Do you need support with this transition? Do you need help setting up your little ones sleep BEFORE you make the transtion? Or have things not gone well and you need help getting your child to stay in their bed? We’re here to help!
You can book a FREE 10-minute chat here or flick us a message or Email.
Sleep well!
Holly x
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